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Sunday, 25 January 2004

Paycheck

Warning: SPOILERS.

No, really.

I'm serious. Stop reading if you don't want to have your experience of John Woo's latest spoiled.

Not that there's much to spoil, really.

It's more a series of nitpicks.

Ready?

Then I'll begin, and in time honoured bullet fashion, too.

  • DEAR MOTHER OF GOD IF YOU'RE RELEASING A HOLLYWOOD 'BLOCKBUSTER' FILM THEN WHY THE FUCK CAN'T YOU UNDERSTAND THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN "IT'S" AND "ITS"? Did anyone else notice this? Evidently not, because it's not on the IMDB goofs page. The couple of seconds where the camera lingers on an excerpt from a newspaper and the headline is "Allcom unveils it's answer to someone or other's product?" I swear, if I find out who was responsible for that gaffe, I'll hunt them down, disembowel them (with a spoon, natch), make sure that their picture appears in every single textbook from now until eternity so that NO ONE MAKES THE SAME GODDAMN STUPID MISTAKE AGAIN. Sorry for shouting. But really, this is terribly easy to get right. "It's" only ever means "it is" and doesn't ever, ever, ever, ever convey the possessive.
  • Shoot the doves. I never want to see slow motion doves again.
  • Subway control boxes are actually made out of mini ATX motherboards, and if you pull out the DIMM/SIMM style memory modules and stick in a well-placed paperclip, you can stop a train just in time.
  • A "gravity enhanced" lens can help you see around the curvature of the universe into the future. You're not even trying, are you?
  • Minority Report's UI was cooler. I have no idea what Ben Affleck was doing when he was supposedly reverse engineering things. And what the hell was the code for some sort of virtual woman doing in a monitor? Hmmm?
  • John Woo should never direct anyone in a romantic scene.
  • What's up with the explanation in the middle of the film, when Affleck is tastefully re-arranging his items into a question mark shape? We're suddenly treated to a flashback of the last half of the film, just in case we missed it or if it was too confusing. Of course, this being Paycheck, you wouldn't have been confused at all, because the plot was about as transparent as, well, a glass sphere.

2 comments and trackbacks

The bit where Affleck arranged things into the question mark reminded me of Batman Forever (the Val Kilmer one). Remember when Kilmer discovered that Jim Carrey was the Riddler thanks to working out the clues in the pop up card? Actually, in retrospect, lots about Paycheck reminds me of the Schumacher oeuvre.

Posted by: Bronwen on January 27, 2004 03:19 AM

Also: where the hell did any of Uma Thurman's talent go? Did her entire ability to act go out with the hair?

And why is Michael C Hall so preppy?

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