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Wednesday, 23 April 2003

From Geek to Chic

Okay, so I was bored. I was channel surfing. I was on a superior high after watching Dr. Phil lambast Americans with dreams of overachieving for spending beyond their means. Jenny Jones was on next. They had a programme called From Geek to Chic, a compendium showcasing some of their best examples of formerly bullied geeks who'd tarted themselves up a little to rub their new-found appearance into the faces of those who'd been so caustic in the past.

Quickly, a number of things became apparent: geeky people have braces and average sized breasts. Chic people have good, straight teeth (amazing what the passage of time can do when combined with braces) and much larger breasts that defy gravity. This only applies to women. For example, there were no men who had straight teeth and bigger breasts (no offence to the male geek community, but...)

"Hello, now I have larger breasts and act dumb, people like me!"

To save future generations from psychological distress, I propose the following:

All unpopoular girls should get counselling from a plastic surgeon at secondary school. If you agree to any subsequent cosmetic surgery resulting from your counselling, you get a discount. In fact, schools could be sponsored by plastic surgeons in much the same way they're sponsored by, say, Pepsi. Instead of drinks machines lining the walls (more accurately, alongside drinks machines lining the walls) you could have a walk-in surgery for your lunchbreak. The availability of botox at the cafeteria can be discussed at a later date.

For those more complex cases, I guess breast reduction could be offered, provided it was made clear that the patient would have popularity issues later in life.

Seriously, there's money (and happy people!) to be made from this.

53 comments and trackbacks

You get Dr. Phil over there? Maybe giving up taco bell is worth it...

Posted by: Robin on April 23, 2003 06:51 PM

you're a riot.

Posted by: sheryl on April 24, 2003 10:54 AM

Pepsi is allowed to sponsor schools? That was one of those things which I'd heard, and read, and never actually quite believed. But this was it, the straw that broke the camel's back. My world has just changed.

Posted by: Clarie on April 24, 2003 12:12 PM

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