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Friday, 28 February 2003

Mountains, molehills and airport

No really, it does feel like I've lost a phantom limb.

I tried re-installing the 10.2.4 combo update. My laptop thought about this very intently for a while, decided that it really needed to be rebooted (I quite happily obliged), and then I logged back in. Airport still not working.

When I finally get home, it's straight on to Apple tech support with my customer ID handy. I explain to Helpful Woman that I'm really having terrible trouble with my airport. She thanks me kindly, asks for my details and there is much rejoicing due to the fact that I bought Applecare, which seemed like a frivolous waste of a couple hundred pounds at the time. I now get transferred to an airport specialist.

Actually, I don't. What I do get instead is eight minutes of hold music punctuated by a very apologetic prerecorded voice telling me about how Apple's new products have overwhelmed their support lines and that my call is very important to them. Well, yes. My call is very important to me, too. I'm glad we all agree. Oh, and the apologetic prerecorded voice tells me to check out apple.com.uk for details of these new products that have so unfortunately been overwhelming support lines left, right and centre.

I finally get to speak to Mr. Airport Specialist. I explain the problem. Airport won't pick up the local network. Well. It kind of will, if I hit it over the head with a blunt object, tie it to a table, threaten to poke its eyes out with, oh, I don't know, an iPod and ram the SSID of the network into its mouth. Then it kind of works. It picks up the MAC address of the base station and proceeds to do bugger all.

"I see," says Mr. Airport Specialist. "Tell me, what base station are you connecting to?"

"It's a D-Link WAP," says I. At this point, alarm bells are going off in my head. It's third party. Tech support people hate third party hardware and software. They have some kind of grudge against it, as if it came in the middle of the night and stole their children.

"Ah," says Mr. Airport Specialist. "We don't support third party hardware. You'll have to talk to D-Link."

Time for a dazzling riposte. "Ah, but no! You see, I can't even create an ad-hoc network using the airport software! I get an error! Therefore it couldn't possibly the third party hardware, because I should still be able to create an ad-hoc network if the third party hardware were malfunctioning!" I triumphantly jab the air with a pencil in the general direction of the call centre.

"Oh." There's some silence. "I'll have to go and check something."

More hold music. Yes, the call is important to you. We've established that.

Mr. Airport Specialist comes back. "Yeah, there might be a problem with the airport card. But seeing as you don't have another Mac or an Apple base station to connect it to, we can't really do much diagnosis remotely. So you're going to have to take it to a service centre, get them to take it out and test it in another Mac or something."

At this point, Mr. Airport Specialist starts to fall over himself and attempts to find me the nearest Apple certified support centre. He comes up with Inmac, who are in Runcorn. What follows is an amusing game of telephone tag:

Me: Hello, is that Inmac? I've been told you're an Apple Support Centre.
Inmac guy #1: No, we're not.
Me: Oh. Well Apple said you were.
Inmac guy #1: They lied.
Me: I see. Well, they said your Runcorn office was. Can I have their phone number?
Inmac guy #1: Here's their number.
Me: Hello, is that Inmac in Runcorn? I've been told you're an Apple Support Centre.
Inmac woman #1: Yes, we are!
Me: Great. I have this problem with my Mac that I didn't buy from you, but Apple said it'd be okay for you to have a look at it.
Inmac woman #1: Oookay. Well, you're speaking to the PC side. Here's the number for the Mac people.
Me: Hello, is that Inmac in Runcorn? I've been told you're an Apple Support Centre.
Inmac guy #2: Yes, we are.
Me: Great. I have this problem with my Mac that I didn't buy from you, but Apple said it'd be okay for you to have a look at it.
Inmac guy #2: Ah, this is Mac sales. You want tech support.
Me: I see.
Inmac guy #2: I shall transfer you.
Me: Hello, is that Inmac tech support in Runcorn? I've been told you're an Apple Support Centre.
Inmac guy #1: Hang on.
Me: Oh, it's you.
Inmac guy #1: Yes.
Me: Well, are you?
Inmac guy #1: No.
Me: Are you sure?
Inmac guy #1: Yes.
Me: Because all your friends think you are. And Apple.
Inmac guy #1: Well, we're not. Still.
Me: I see.

At this point, I gave up, and am going to try these guys instead, seeing as they're next to Ikea (long story).

More later, I expect.

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